The Boy who hid in the closet

I'd like to tell you story about a boy named Jacob. He is a bright, sweet boy with blue eyes so big and blue you could swim in them. When he smiles, he melts your heart and when he says "Momma, I Love You" I have to turn my head to hide the tears. You see, three years ago, I never thought my son would ever tell me he loves me. When he would see strangers, he would hide under tables or run and hide in a closet. When someone touched him, he would cringe like it hurt him physically. He could not speak well. His words were garbled and he would babble like a baby. Working in the medical field with children, I knew something was wrong but I did not want to believe it. Every time he had his well child checks, he would be developmentally behind. Finally, the Pediatrician stopped testing him. The first time I heard that awful word that NO parent wants to hear, it came from Jacobs own grandmother. "Sandie" she said, "I think Jacob has autism." How dare she think something like that I thought. "Oh Mom, he's fine. He will come into his own soon, it's just taking him a little longer that's all." That night when I went to bed, I felt my chest burn and ache. I had a lump in my throat and tossed and turned all night. This cannot be I thought. How could this have happened? Next day, I got on the internet and looked up the word autism and reading every word brought on a wave of hurt. Everything they said, Jacob did. Everything they said an autistic child wouldn't do...Jacob didn't do. I called the Pediatrician I worked for in a panic. "Is this true?" I asked. "Let's do some tests" she said. So we did the standard tests one does when autism is suspected. First we checked his hearing. Maybe that was the problem, he could not hear as well. His hearing was fine. Next we took him to speech therapy. Every time he would go into the room with the teacher, he would hide in the closet and she would have his session on the floor in the closet or under a table, wherever Jacob felt "safe" is where he would learn to talk. Soon, he was talking more but never to adults. He would always whisper and hide when he had something to say. Next was occupational therapy. Certain textures would make scare him. Shaving cream or dirt made him run to the bathroom to wash them off. He could not stand for anyone to touch him. He would bend over and sink his head almost to the ground when someone would come up behind him and hug him. After the testings, we had a meeting with the school district and was told, your son Jacob has autism. I was in a daze, I could hardly keep it together while they talked about all the programs they would utilize to help him. When my husband and I got in the car, we just sat there numb and in silence. Our boy was suffering and we could not take it away from him. At that moment we would have given our LIVES to make sure he did not have one ounce of pain. Be it physical or being teased or made fun of. I was filled with anger at the thought that anyone would stigmatize my son. I was ready to beat up any little kid or their parents if they teased my son!! Then we learned how NOT to enable his autism. He was not the only one who learned over the next year.
The most important thing we learned as Jacob's parents was that he had autism....SO WHAT??
He was a bright, charming,beautiful boy first, he was autistic second. We did not let it become his crutch nor did we let it become ours. Because of this, little by little, some walls came down. It takes constant work, and for every step forward, we take 5 steps back but we do it together as a family. Jacob does not have autism, WE have autism. It is not his battle to fight, it is OUR battle to fight. He will never go through this alone. We are family with autism....SO WHAT??